Long Road Ahead...

Today has been a day that I have been expecting to come, just not sure when it would...Sooner than I thought it would, but that is a terrific thing.. A day of having someone very very dear to my heart & life letting go of emotions that allowed me to release apprehensions of my own for this person...As I sit here crying & typing I can feel what has felt toxicity of anticipation this last couple months just leaving my body.. Feeling relief beyond comprehension within the release of another person's emotions that otherwise seemed my own personal fear. It turns out to be apparently I have been waiting for this person to just let go & wear their heart on their sleeve for really the first time for me to witness in my lifetime of loving them so much..... Our hearts are intertwined & that bond so tight that I feel the relief of this person so greatly. It makes me feel free to let go myself of the fears of what is to come in the days, months, years to come... It is in God's time... I have too myself cried over this issue, but this time is different..They are a release of relief & happiness that this person is finally able to let go bringing us even closer...Not just a crying because I'm sad.....

Being the emotional person that I am, I usually get very upset at myself for crying at the things I do and feel embarrassed many times when a tear falls....But, today is a day that these are tears I'm not ashamed of, nor care if anyone sees me...They are bittersweet, but healing and you have no idea (or maybe you do) how good that feels to me after going through the rough time I have lately..I thank the Lord that He allowed this day to happen to reveal to me the reason or partial reason why I have been feeling the way I have...Thinking I knew reasons, but this one was not one of them for sure....To hear those tears start to flow over the phone was a tough thing, as when an other's heart is aching, so is mine, but to realize tears are a release of anger, bitterness,stress,fear,anxiety, etc.... They are healing at the same time.... Plenty more days of tears to come I'm sure...All kinds to be had..... Even for those whom normally would not shed a tear....

This week I have been diligently working on getting our house in order & things cleaned out that we just don't need anymore...You ever seen the show "Clean House"?.. Ours isn't near that bad, but the same concept in letting go of emotional attachments to materialistic things.... There is a great need to have my own house a refuge of sorts, as this summer is looking to be many days spent elsewhere I'm needed... It is my desire to have things in order, so I can just come home to relax and not worry about what needs to be done or cleaned.... The kids & Paul have been great at allowing me to implement some "house rules" of sorts to make things work smoothly in this new world of "being organized"... Paul will be gone a couple weeks in July & looks like Ben will be gone from June 24th -July 7-8th...Meg & I will have to maybe buy some paint and do a couple projects while we have some girl time...

Getting back at the eating of more raw fruits/veggies has seemed to make me feel better energy wise & more healthy overall...Keeping busy cleaning all through the week is taking some place of the walking I've been missing... Need to get on the Gazelle at least a mile a day though and will work hard on getting that done....

Please pray for God's guidance and peace for the days, weeks,months or years ahead in how the Lord chooses to have our lives effected by the issue(s) at hand for our family....

May the Lord bless you as richly as He has me, Jerri